Minting students majoring in money

A satirical peek into the lives of C-School majors

Archita Aggarwal and Nisha Walvekar

Does your cousin’s mailman’s dog have a Goldman Sachs internship lined up for the summer too?
While your lazy ass is seated at home without a boat trip on the Amalfi Coast this summer, your favorite C-School (also known as The Williams School of Commerce, Economics, and Politics) major will be shadowing their dad’s frat brother in his Wall Street office. After a year’s time of mindlessly staring at stocks, they are ready to take Wall Street by storm, Jordan Belfort style, of course.
As they spend their break wilfully idolizing making rich people richer, you can just follow your passion.
DISCLAIMER: Proceed with the advice at your own risk. We are unable to guarantee financial stability in any other job sector.
But there’s one way to find profit and passion. Pursue the business major’s birthright: the double major.
You can salvage your business profits by contributing to society with poverty studies. Or even better, you can pair up that C-School major with the artsy-grunge aesthetic music major. And you think you have reached equilibrium, but that’s when the Deutsche Bank offer from the real world reaches for you.
Now, let’s talk about the opportunity cost. You forgo playing with your indie-rock-acoustic band at each of your cousins’ second attempt at marriage, purposely failing your indie music career to live the high life of the Upper West Side.
But this article isn’t about those who have already been galloped by the C-School. Rather, it’s to wittily sum up the feelings of all you jealous non C-School majors who know they won’t be able to make six-figure salaries right out of college. Am I right or am I right? (That wasn’t a question, it was a statement Grammarly decided to correctly punctuate.)
Anyway, you honestly had the choice. When you knew everyone was following the footsteps of everyone else, you willingly decided to stand your ground and not pursue a six-figure making career. So, don’t expect me to take a stand for you and try to explain the traumas and confusion of what major to declare. It’s easy: you come to Washington and Lee University enthusiastic about some subject you have been passionate about since high school, but at some point during your freshman year you realize that finance makes you money like no other career will, and so you pursue a C-School major. That’s it. It’s that simple.
In the words of Professor Linda Hooks: “There is a social element and trend within sports teams, clubs, sororities, and fraternities about the decision of their major.”
But, for now we need to focus on the C-School’s harvest season, because that’s what really matters. As investment banking recruitment has commenced, and you have been blissfully avoiding the obnoxiously overdressed finance bros grabbing a meal at E-hall, the majors are gearing up for their 20-year sentence at Morgan Stanley before they finally retire and get a life.
Well, best wishes to them from a fellow C-School major.